Have you ever felt uncomfortable with someone’s behaviour towards you but not known exactly why?
Assertive and self confident people automatically set imaginary boundaries around themselves to protect their souls, hearts and minds from the unhealthy and damaging behaviour of others. They know what type of behaviour upsets them and they are not afraid to communicate this knowledge to the people they come into contact with. By adopting this liberating behaviour they move through life in harmony with their values, earning the respect of others and avoiding the drain on energy that fretting over other people’s “ill treatment” of them inevitably causes.
What steps can you take to establish and/or extend your boundaries?
- Make a list of 10 things that people may no longer do around you, do to you or say to you.
- Be willing to educate others on what behaviour you regard as unacceptable
- Ask that nobody around you makes fun of others, makes deprecating remarks or criticises anybody or any situation
- Acknowledge those people who respect your boundaries
When we have healthy boundaries and communcate them to those around us, we gain respect, fears diminish and we grow emotionally. We begin to attract those people into our life who share our perspective and conversely we repel those people who are needy and disrepectful.
One of my boundaries is around the lending of books. I make it very clear that I don’t lend my precious books to people who don’t return them and I always make this clear to my friends. I remember one case of a friend who had to go so far as to buy me a new book because she had “lost” my copy. As my boundary was very important to me, supporting my value of integrity, I have to say I felt no discomfort that my friend had to replace my book.
Think about just one type of behaviour that is important for you to receive from others in order to feel valued. Determine that from this point onwards you will honour yourself by not tolerating its opposite from the people you may deal with in the future. Your sense of freedom and self worth will soar!